didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
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