You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
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