Whatcha textin bout Willis?
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
Randomize
