I think i sorta joined a cult last night
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
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he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
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I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
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