I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
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