Got a toothbrush?
oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize
