Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize
