am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
Randomize
