I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
i think i just naturally attract stoners
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