Dude my mom stole all your condoms
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
We don't watch enough power rangers
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
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