Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
Randomize
