i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
They have beer where we have blood.
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
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