New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
Randomize
