i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
Randomize
