It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
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