You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
Randomize
