I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
Dignity is for republicans.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
FUCK WHALES
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
Randomize
