If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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