Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
