I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
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