Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
Randomize
