I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
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