When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
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