sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
