No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Randomize
