I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
two words: eviction party
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize
