Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
What did we do last night that was yellow?
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
Randomize
