I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
