can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
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