As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
Randomize
