Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
Randomize
