My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Randomize
