there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
In America we eat man semen.
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
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