she takes plan B like it's going out of style
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
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