maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
Randomize
