At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
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