Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
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