is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
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