I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Randomize
