i was rollin on her like bob the builder
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
That reminds me...we need to get swords
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
God, I missed his penis.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
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