I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
