someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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