I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
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