I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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