You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
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