Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
Randomize
