I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
Randomize
