i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Randomize
