I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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