Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
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