ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
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You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
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My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.