Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.