All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
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I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
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They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.