I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
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one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
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Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.