people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?