Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
Randomize
