You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
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He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
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I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
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