Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
