Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
Randomize
