Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
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