Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
Randomize
