How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Randomize
