This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Randomize
