I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Randomize
