you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
