i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
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