He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
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