I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
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