We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
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