He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
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