my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
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