Help. Asians are flirting in front of me(773): They speak asian
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
Randomize
