my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Randomize
