So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
I can't put those talents on a resume
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
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