Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
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