I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Randomize
