we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
Randomize
