yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
Randomize
