Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
Randomize
