please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
Randomize
