he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
Randomize
