I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
What's proper 1 nite stand etiquette?
Say hi to his dad and make him some breakfast.
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
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