I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
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No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
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